You are valuable. I’m telling you at the start what I’d normally save for the end. You are valuable. Don’t listen to anyone who tries to convince you otherwise. The most valuable thing in this life is you.
I watch the people who come to my sessions. Most of them are successful, high-potential people, and on paper there’s no obvious reason for them to be unhappy. The obstacles they’re stuck on aren’t insurmountable — so why do they feel so powerless in front of them?
Because they feel worthless.
Maybe this is our greatest irony, a joke we play on ourselves without realising it: holding back our own power, perhaps even being afraid of our own potential. We’re all afraid of fulfilling ourselves. Most of us have our own insecurities and a “safe zone” we’ve built for ourselves, and we’re afraid to leave it. That’s understandable. New experiences, new places and untried things make us feel insecure — we’re human after all, not machines or Superman. But we are not doomed to feel this way.
How Feelings of Worthlessness Show Up
This feeling can be found even in people who say, “I don’t feel worthless, I know my value.” Unfortunately, it likes to hide deep in the subconscious. But there are ways to spot it, because it reveals itself in particular situations. Let’s look at them together:
- Dependency in relationships: You could also call this fear of loss. Because we don’t value ourselves, we look for that value in someone else. We find ourselves in the value our partner gives us, and we become dependent on them. And what happens then? Need turns into neediness. You start fearing you’ll lose your partner. They start taking you for granted. The respect that is the foundation of any relationship begins to crumble; your partner knows you’ll stay no matter how they treat you, and things begin to go downhill. Your self-respect drops. You feel unhappy and alone. I’ve been through this myself, and it once pushed me into depression. You are not alone, and you are never helpless.
- Fear of being alone: This is another very common symptom. We try to find outside the value we don’t — or can’t — give ourselves. We can’t say no, because we want people to like us; we make sacrifices and end up in situations we don’t want. Remember that, sadly, it’s human nature not to appreciate what we already have. The moment the other person — and this needn’t be a partner; it can be family or friends — starts taking you for granted, the value they place on you will drop.
So is there no way out? Are we destined to feel this way forever?
No, we aren’t.
The Antidote: Loving Yourself
There is an antidote to feeling worthless — a remedy that lives inside every one of us and is within easy reach.
Loving yourself.
I can almost hear your reaction as you read that. Some ideas have been repeated so often and so carelessly that they’ve become clichés and lost their power. Self-love is one of them. Wake up and love yourself. Love yourself while you wash your face. Love yourself enough to skip the second helping. The examples are endless. But real self-love is not that kind of superficial cliché.
So why should we love ourselves?
The reason is simple. If we don’t love and value ourselves, we go looking for that love and value outside, in other people. That makes us dependent on others; being alone even for a moment feels like hell. We constantly seek other people’s approval and affection, we can’t say no, we always sacrifice ourselves. And that reduces the respect others have for us. Over time we find ourselves feeling unhappier and lonelier. But wait — wasn’t the whole point of looking for happiness in others to avoid feeling this way?
Why Is It So Hard to Love Ourselves?
So how do we love ourselves? It’s easy to say, yet in practice most of us fail.
Why can’t we love ourselves?
Because we don’t believe we’re worthy of love.
Let me say it again:
We don’t think we deserve to be loved.
That may sound harsh, but sadly it’s true.
In the past — as children, maybe even earlier — we looked to our parents for unconditional love. Isn’t that what parents are for? To love unconditionally. A little older, we hoped the person we liked would like us back. Maybe they didn’t. Perhaps all our lives we searched for love and no one showed it to us. Perhaps we’ve lived until now without ever truly knowing what it is to be loved. Even if we’re unaware of it, this comes back to us as the feeling that we don’t deserve love — and that’s what lies in our subconscious.
That’s why, whenever we try to love ourselves, we run into “resistance.” One day we get out of bed determined to love ourselves; the next day we try again. But we can’t keep it up.
Two Steps to Overcome It
We have two complementary methods, and both are vital:
- Go deep into the subconscious and analyse it. Why can’t I love myself? Why do I feel worthless? The voice inside you will probably answer by telling you you’re not perfect, listing your flaws, telling you that as you are, you don’t deserve to be valued. It will tell you that you have to do something extra — that you always have to try harder to be loved.
But tell me: does a puppy or a baby have to be flawless to be loved? Does it need to demonstrate perfection? Does a baby not deserve love because it cries, screams and can’t control its bladder?
Of course not.
No one on this planet is perfect — and no one ever will be. However well someone markets themselves, however flawless their Instagram feed looks, never forget: there is no such thing as perfect.
Our flaws are what make us human.
We deserve to be loved not despite our flaws, but with them.
I mentioned Superman earlier. Superman is flawless — precisely because he isn’t human.
- Face your past traumas and clear them. Once you’ve analysed them with the first method, the next step is to face them, release them and move past them. This is the hardest part.
Your family didn’t give you the love you needed; a partner didn’t value you and cheated on you; your friends left you out. All these traumas piled up and convinced you that you don’t deserve to be valued. Resetting them is the way forward. You can do it on your own, but I’m here to help.
First we recognise these traumas and analyse what they are; then we face them — so that we can be happy and live the life we deserve.
To find out how you can free yourself from these problems with the ClearMind™ system, click here. See you soon — and let’s not forget to love ourselves.