“Being selfish is bad.”
“I hate selfish people.”
If you say things like this, I’d ask you to think again. You may be brushing aside the key to happiness.
Because, in fact, selfishness is the most wonderful thing in the world.
After that sentence, some of you may have stopped reading in mild shock and moved on to something more “lofty.” That’s fine. For those still thinking, “What on earth is this man saying? Let me have a look,” let me continue.
Selfishness is the most wonderful thing in the world. You know the “unconditional love” everyone talks about these days? One of the most important steps towards that wonderful, unconditional love is the ability to be selfish. How? Let me explain.
What Healthy Selfishness Really Means
Being selfish means being able to ask yourself — whatever the situation, whatever the other person is doing, always and in every circumstance — “What do I want right now?” Being able to ask this question is vital, because only someone with the capacity to ask “What do I want right now?” can allow themselves to “be themselves.”
Are you being pulled into a situation you don’t want?
Are you doing things reluctantly, your energy sinking, because you don’t want to upset a friend or your family?
Are you facing a situation you don’t like?
Be selfish and just say “no”! To be of any use to others, you first need to be happy and at peace with yourself.
Every time you do something purely to please someone or spare their feelings, you take another step away from being yourself.
– So if you can’t be yourself, can you truly love yourself?
– No.
– And if you don’t even have the capacity to love yourself, how can you give others a love you don’t have? If you can’t love yourself yet, how can you give anyone something you don’t possess?
– ???
I can almost hear you say “Hmmm.” The precondition for loving others is loving yourself. The precondition for loving yourself is allowing yourself to be yourself. And the precondition for that is being able to ask, in every situation, “What do I want here?”
The moment you can ask that question, you’ll care much less about what other people do or don’t do. Let them do whatever they do. You can’t control others. But in every situation you can turn inwards first and ask, “What do I want here?” If you’re in a situation you don’t want to be in, get out of it.
– But if I do that, my friend will be so hurt!
No — if your friend is hurt, let them be hurt. If you hurt and upset yourself just so they won’t be hurt or upset, one day all that upset will blow up badly — be warned. If you’re no good to yourself, you can’t be any good to anyone else.
Oxygen Mask on Yourself First
Those of you who fly will know the safety announcement before take-off:
“If you’re travelling with a child, in the event of an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on first, then help your child.”
Because if you try to put the mask on your child first, you may run out of air and die — and then you’re no use to your child at all. That’s why it’s so important to be able to say, in every situation, “Me first, then you.” Personally, since I started running my life this way, my enjoyment of life has multiplied. I truly began to love myself — and once I could truly love myself, I started spreading love to those around me. I recommend it to you too.
Let’s try it. For at least the next week, be completely selfish. Say “me first, then you.” Let’s see what happens in your life.
Shall we give it a try?