In work, in relationships and in friendships, one of the most important things we have is self-confidence. Everyone talks about it: “My confidence is like this,” “My confidence is like that.” But what exactly is it?
Self-confidence = trusting yourself.
So a lack of self-confidence is really a lack of trust in yourself. And where does that mistrust come from?
From fear. Fear of not succeeding, of doing the wrong thing, of being rejected, of making mistakes. Are we agreed so far? Great — then let’s continue…
Failure Is an Ingredient of Success
Are there flawless people who never fail, never get it wrong and never make mistakes? Of course there are — you’ll find plenty of them in your nearest cemetery. Anyone who never fails or makes mistakes is either dead or living a dead life. On the contrary, to be more successful and to grow your self-confidence, you need to make plenty of mistakes and fail plenty of times. Failure may be the most important ingredient in the recipe called success. Edison failed in well over a thousand experiments before he invented the light bulb. Someone who never tries and never fails isn’t pushing themselves hard enough. In short, if you want to achieve things, you have to accept the path of failure from the outset. If you don’t, your whole life will be a failure — and to me, that’s the worst outcome of all! Because in years to come, you’ll regret not what you did, but what you didn’t do. And time won’t come back. So the best time to change things is right now — today!
Run Towards Your Fears
We said that the root of low self-confidence is fear. So the foundation of self-confidence is overcoming your fears. And what’s the best way to overcome a fear?
Go straight at it!
“Run towards your fears. The more you run at them, the more they’ll run away from you.”
If you hesitate to go into the sea because it’s cold, you’ll never get in. The best way is to jump in without thinking. You’ll be cold for a few seconds, then you’ll get used to it. Jump in first — you’ll have plenty of time afterwards to think about whether it’s cold.
Right now, take a pen and paper and write down your fears. What are you afraid of? Speaking in front of a group? Starting your own business? Approaching someone you’re attracted to? A new project? Being outgoing in a new environment? What scares you? What makes you feel insecure?
Please write these down first, then carry on reading.
Whatever you fear in life is what you need to do first. Whatever you fear in life is also what will help you grow the most.
Look over your fears and ask yourself:
“Has anyone ever died from facing this fear?”
If not, there’s no problem. You can face it too.
But How?
I know nothing changes overnight. So we’ll move towards our fears step by step. If we try to jump a ten-step staircase in one go we may fall, but step by step we can climb it easily. So let’s start with your simplest fears. Which ones could you face first? What scares you, but also makes you think, “Actually, I think I could do that”?
Please don’t read on without writing them down. If you want to benefit from this article, you need to follow the rules — not for me, but for your own good.
Done? Great! Now we know what we’re going to face.
Now take a deep breath, relax, close your eyes and see yourself doing the thing you fear, in full detail. Picture yourself facing that fear completely at ease and reaching your goal in a wonderful, enjoyable way. The more vividly you see it, the more you can feel it emotionally, and the more often you do this exercise, the better you’ll train your subconscious. This exercise will change the perceptions in your mind and help you face your fears much more easily.
As you face your fears step by step, your self-confidence will grow. You’ll see that you can do it. Even if you fail, you’ll see that in the end you succeed. Every fear you overcome will be a match you’ve won. The more matches you win, the more your self-confidence will grow. With small victories, you’ll very soon have far greater self-confidence.
If we don’t face our fears, we’re not doing justice to this wonderful life we’ve been given. If you want to live every minute of your life with a deep sense of fulfilment, appreciating yourself more and more, push your limits further. Just as your muscles grow as the weights you lift increase, your self-confidence grows — and you become fearless — to the extent that you push your limits and face your fears.
Rather than living in constant fear, run towards your fears. The more you run, the more they’ll run from you…
When should you do this? The best time is now!
If not today, when?
Some fears are rooted so deeply that willpower alone can’t shift them. ClearMind™ coaching clears them at the source.