If we want to escape unhappiness, we first need to look at how and why it appeared. It may be temporary; it may come from financial worries or from problems in our relationships. We can list our reasons for as long as we like. But first we need to know what we actually want. Perhaps what drags us into unhappiness isn’t our problems themselves, but the uncertainty they bring.
A feeling of worthlessness is one of the biggest drivers of unhappiness. It’s especially intense in people who went through something painful in the past that turned into a trauma. When we feel worthless, we start waiting for other people to value us. That expectation doesn’t always pay off, or doesn’t last. And the moment it falls through, we feel unhappy.
Discover Yourself
Listen to all kinds of music and find out which style speaks to you — jazz, pop, R&B, rock, rap, electronic, house… Keep listening until you find yourself in it. Listening to the music you love genuinely makes you feel good. Join a dance class, exercise, visit art galleries, go to concerts and the theatre, make Friday your movie night, start learning a new language, try painting, join an art workshop, put your photography skills to use — or find something more specific that’s entirely your own. Listen to yourself and try to understand what you want. These are only tools — tools on the road to happiness.
Work on letting go of your bad habits — I mean the things that make you feel bad and drag you towards depression. These differ from person to person. Something that’s a harmful habit for you may not be for someone else, and vice versa. One person may drink to the point of harming themselves and the people around them, while for you it may be nothing more than a couple of innocent glasses with friends one evening a week.
The Root of Unhappiness: Feeling Worthless
When we search for the cause of our unhappiness, many things cross our mind. But the real root can be seen as worthlessness and a lack of love. If we feel worthless, we are very likely to become unhappy. And at the heart of worthlessness lies a lack of love. This feeling, which we can carry from childhood, often goes back to an event in our early years. Very commonly, it develops from a lack of love from the family during childhood.
Another thing that can make you feel bad is people who look like friends but actually harm you — who smile to your face while wishing you ill; who pretend to be sad when you share your troubles but are secretly pleased. It’s in your interest to keep away from people who are selfish towards you, who don’t see your needs or your problems, focus only on their own, and expect everyone around them to revolve around them. Your true friends and your family will bring you far more peace than a crowd that hurts you.
Happiness is sometimes a shooting star as you watch the night sky; sometimes it’s hidden in the smile of someone you love. Sometimes it’s walking in the rain until you’re soaked through; sometimes it’s the calm of finishing a task you were responsible for. Sometimes it’s the little thrill of knowing that, as winter approaches, you’ll soon be curling up under a warm blanket at night — and sometimes it’s simply finding an empty seat on the bus. In other words, we don’t always need to look for happiness in big, expensive things.
Clearing the Subconscious
Of course happiness isn’t always found in big, expensive things. But for someone who feels worthless, happiness barely exists as a concept. To stop feeling worthless, you need to clear your subconscious of painful past events. The painful experiences stored there will keep pushing you into deep unhappiness. With the ClearMind™ system, you can clear the emotional charge of every traumatic event held in your subconscious.
If you’d like to do this work with me, find out more about ClearMind™ coaching here.