The value someone else gives you does not determine your worth.
If we were to generalise, we’d see that feelings of worthlessness show up most intensely in romantic relationships. At their core, they come from caring more about what others think of us than about what we think of ourselves. After problems like being cheated on or not being valued the way we hoped, people sometimes conclude that they themselves must be worthless. That way of thinking is dangerous and can badly affect your state of mind. If you want to free yourself from it, ask yourself this question:
- If my partner doesn’t value me, does that make me worthless?
To solve the problem of worthlessness, we first need to truly take in this idea: “If someone doesn’t value me, that doesn’t mean I’m worthless.”
If a mother doesn’t value her baby, could we say it’s a worthless baby? Of course not.
The Link Between Relationships and Childhood
Feelings of worthlessness aren’t limited to relationships; they’re also very common in childhood — and there’s an important link between the two. If you feel worthless in your relationships, there’s very likely an unresolved issue from your childhood. That issue settles into your subconscious and can make you go through hard times for the rest of your life. Problems with your family, or a sense that your siblings were favoured or that you were constantly compared to them, can all be factors.
No child is worthless! Parents can be inadequate.
When something bad happens, it’s important to analyse carefully who was really responsible. If you can see that it wasn’t you, you can begin to free yourself from the feeling of worthlessness. Something you weren’t responsible for can’t take even the smallest thing away from your worth. And here’s a key insight for coping with this feeling: the moment you realise that your worth is in your own hands alone, many problems start to resolve themselves.
How Would the “You” You Value Behave?
Ask yourself this question. When you start doing the very things you admire and value so much in others, it becomes possible to feel valuable yourself. Everyone needs to love themselves as much as they can. When you get into bed at night, give yourself a hug. The most important thing that keeps you standing is your inner child — the better you protect that child, the more firmly it will hold you up in life. People who can respect themselves have always found a way to be happy.
The Problems Worthlessness Creates
For people who feel worthless, the underlying problem is usually a lack of love. Over time, someone who feels unloved can reach the point of harming themselves or others psychologically. When you expect others to value you, the moment the person who valued you disappears, you immediately feel worthless again — because the lack of love at your core makes you look for something outside. People who feel worthless tend to struggle with a few specific problems:
Not Being Able to Say No
People who feel unloved or worthless usually avoid saying no, because they believe that if they do, they’ll never receive love or appreciation from that person again. To break free from this way of thinking, you first need to learn to say no in your social relationships.
Compromising Yourself
Closely connected to not being able to say no, this problem also has a lack of love at its root. People who struggle with it end up doing things they don’t want to do and moving away from the things they do want. Every person is free to act on their own choices, within their rights and responsibilities. The more you compromise yourself, the more you expect in return — and when that expectation isn’t met, you’re deeply disappointed.
Low Self-Confidence
If someone doesn’t feel valuable, their self-confidence can’t be whole. People with low self-confidence feel incomplete, inadequate and unhappy at every turn. A simple practice is to look in the mirror and say, “I love you.” If there were no lack of love inside you, many problems would disappear on their own.
Free Yourself From Worthlessness With ClearMind™
Painful events and periods from our past get etched into our subconscious and make us feel worthless. With ClearMind™, it becomes possible to clear the emotional charge of the harmful events that have settled in your subconscious — right at the root.
If you often feel worthless, inadequate or unloved, click here to open a new chapter in your life.