Humans discovered death a very long time ago. Our ancestors noticed that an average person lived for only twenty or thirty years. They tried to understand why — why some creatures live for a single day while others live for decades. They feared what we call death, tried to escape it, tried to make sense of it. Today, with average life expectancy reaching seventy or eighty years, humanity is winning its relentless battle against nature on almost every front. We’ve learned to create life in artificial conditions, to build huge machines and make them fly. We’ve learned to forecast the weather and to explore our planet and space. Yet there is one front we have never won — and are sure we never will. Perhaps the only thing, along with time, that we can never defeat:
Death.
We’ve tried to make sense of it. Some found answers in science, others chose to trust their faith. Some tried obsessively to conquer death. None of them succeeded.
For all our civilisation and progress, death remains the fear we still haven’t overcome.
When Fear of Death Takes Over a Life
In some people, the fear of death is more extreme. Some try to live by ignoring it, struggling at the end of a happy day not to think about the ending that awaits them in the long run. Others live fully aware of it and try to fit as much as they can into their relatively short lives — to enjoy them and live them to the full.
Unfortunately, not everyone is so lucky.
Many people are — ironically — scared to death of death. Without realising it, they put death at the very centre of their lives. They can’t be happy; they go through life constantly anxious. One question is always on their mind:
“What if I die one day?”
Even though the flaw in that question is obvious, and even though we know it, the human brain doesn’t work so simply. The conscious mind refuses to accept that one day it will be as if we had never existed, that every trace of us will fade — it slips into denial. But none of that changes the truth:
One day, we will all die.
Yes, it’s harsh and perhaps painful, but one day all of us — everyone you know and everyone you will ever meet — will leave this world. Perhaps that will be the end of our existence, as if we’d never been born, and our journey will be over. For others, that’s when the real journey begins and we step into the “other,” “true” world. Which is right? There’s no way to know for certain. There are countless beliefs and belief systems in the world; some people are sure we’ll come back as a plant.
The Journey Matters More Than the Destination
Some of the people who have placed this fear at the centre of their lives are actually afraid of not having lived fully — of dying with regrets. But since the ending that awaits us all is so certain, what we need to do isn’t to dwell on it in fear. It’s to stay aware of it and enjoy the life we’re living.
What matters is not the destination but the journey itself.
Time, like death, is something no one can resist; sooner or later we’re all swept along by its current. A tiny, very lucky minority manage to leave a mark big enough to stand the test of time — but that isn’t true for the vast majority, and even for them, no one knows how long it will last.
Sadly, there’s no way to stand against time and death.
Perhaps the worst side of human evolution is that it has inflated our ego to enormous proportions. Being aware of battles we can’t win, knowing we’re destined to lose certain things, seems absurd to us. What we forget is that we’re only here for a short while.
Fear of Leaving Loved Ones Behind
Some people fear death because of what they’ll leave behind: the people they love, their family, their partner…
But remember: one day those people will die too — before you or after you. By dying, you’re not abandoning them. You’re completing your journey in this world and handing the watch over to them. I believe there’s a moment in every person’s life when they truly grow up: the moment they first come face to face with death. Yes, those you leave behind will hurt and grieve. They may even fall into depression. But they will get through it — they have to. It’s human nature to keep going, no matter what. They’ll never forget you; they’ll remember you every night and speak of you in their prayers. But they will carry on.
To accept this, we have no choice but to face the fact that we will die — and make peace with it.
Does This Fear Serve You?
We will die whether we’re afraid or not. So does this fear do us any good?
No.
And if it does us no good, do we need to hold on to it?
No.
In my sessions I meet many people who can’t be happy or live in peace because of a fear of death. We work through it step by step, and over time we overcome it. Please don’t hesitate to ask a professional for help if you need it. Help is just one step away: learn about ClearMind™ coaching.
Until happier days — take care!