Relationship Addiction

The hidden reason behind most quarrels in modern relationships is addiction in the relationship. If you have a relationship addiction, then you’ll probably have expectations and fear of losing your beloved one.

What is “Addiction”, anyway?

When you go into a relationship to meet an emotional need and not to enjoy sharing your life and happiness; then the situation you are in is called “an addiction t0 a specific emotion”. Here’s a scenario:

You want a person to come into your life and meet your emotional needs, and you are too much bored of loneliness.. Then suddenly, a man comes in. He’s so passionate. You’re together all day. And as you are no longer alone, you don’t experience boredom any more. Then, in this scenario that man meets a need in your life. You have started to meet your emotional need from an outside source, as you couldn’t meet the need with your inner sources.

Every single need that is met with an outside source becomes an addiction. When you have an addiction to someone, naturally you’ll have expectations and fear losing him. Because you just need to meet your emotional need! Of course you’ll fear losing him, of course you’ll have expectations. Well, what if that man doesn’t meet your need one day? Then, it’s sure that you’ll experience much pain.

This is the trap that I want you to notice. This addiction is no different than an addiction to smoking or drugs. It’s pretty normal for you to feel incomplete when you can’t have enough of your daily dose of love and caring. So, how are you gonna feel if your lover starts to love some one else?

If you start a relationship to meet an emotional need, then your single purpose won’t be just sharing your love. Your single purpose will be receiving love. Because you’ll only need something that you don’t have. If you don’t have something, how can you give it to someone else? What you give can’t be love, they can only be some addictions masked as love. They use such smart masks that it’s very difficult to notice. But, fear of losing, expectations, too much caring and jealousy result not from love but from “lack of love”.

“Because you didn’t have love in your soul, you needed love from someone else. You searched for the treasury outside as you didn’t see what’s available inside. But the diamonds were always inside. The real lover is not in the outside, but it’s here, inside. The outside lover can only be a mirror of the inside lover.”

Turker Manavoglu

When you reach the inner lover, then you’ll no longer need an outside lover. Your only purpose, then will be sharing your inner love with the outside lover. In these types of relationships, there’s real love. In these relationships, you’ll no longer fear losing or expect anything. Because your only motivation is to enjoy sharing. Now you have become a cloud and you are full of rain. You have much to share. But what could you give if you had an empty cloud? When you had an empty soul, your only purpose was to fill it from outside. Now your only motivation has become sharing it with someone else.

So how can we find the inner lover?

Short answer: Meditation.

I’ll write about meditation and finding the inner lover in the next articles. Thank you for reading and deciding to transform yourself.